ivanforum

Fatty · zombie Joined: 01 Jul 2005 Posts: 54

Here are the quotes which I have written down. Any others?:

Male Tourist (friendly): "I presume you backward aborigines still boil people alive and eat them. Any chance of me seeing a young, gorgeous maiden facing this horrible destiny? Just for cultural education, you know."

Female Tourist (hostile): "Help! A horribly hideous cannibal aborigine wants to capture me, hit me in the head with his club, drag me into a smelly sinister cave and mate with me!"

Child Tourist (friendly): "I wanna see you sacrifice someone to tree gods!!!"

New Attnamese female slave (liberated): "Our hero!" The female servant shouts as she hugs you. "Aargh! Go away, you're all sweaty and bloody!"

Kaethos (friendly): "I remember still clearly when we first found you in the jungle. You were five and had seemingly been raised by hippos since birth."

Kaethos (hostile): "I knew those hippos couldn't raise anything decent!"

Guards (hostile): "A fair trial? Hah! Prepare to be executed!"

Richel Decos (hostile): "Die you communist pig!"

Ivan (hostile): "You capitalist! Lenin want Ivan kill capitalists!"

Hunter (friendly): "Bears, ogres, slaves, farmers... Ah, there's so much to hunt here!"

Housewife (friendly): "Wolves ate my seventh daughter last week. Damn. It'll take eight years to produce an equally good replacement worker."

Petrus's wife (friendly): "Being one of six wives is a dream job. Pay is good and you only have to work about one night a week!"

Dolphin (hostile): The female dolphin in season peeps diabolically to you.

Mistress (friendly): "Ever participated in the weekly orgy at Nefas's High Temple? I guess not. You wouldn't have survived."

Skunk (friendly): The big skunk discusses philosophy with you.

Skeleton (friendly): Xinroch the skeleton warlord sings: "Leg bone is connected to the hib bone, hib bone is connected to the rib bone..."

Veteran Kamikaze Dwarf (friendly): "The commander gave me too few explosives! It wasn't my fault!"

Enner Beast (friendly): "I only want to talk but everyone is rude and dies when I try."

Elpuri (hostile): Elpuri the Master Dark Frog roars horribly: "DiE hUmAn!!"

Oree (hostile): Oree the blood daemon king laughs: "No time for small talk. Time to drink blood!"

Dark knight: (His left leg is severed off!) The veteran dark knight states calmly: "'Tis but a scratch."

"You critically bite Huang Ming Pong the sumo wrestler in the groin!" (You win!)

unknown_entity · Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 1:25 am Post subject:

Nice.

Petrus' wife, the Dark Knight, and that last one were hilarious.
_________________
Sponges beat the devil because sponges are badass.~SquashMonster

~Petty Tyrant of the IVAN Forums~

DodgeK · Posted: Tue Aug 23, 2005 10:42 pm Post subject:

@Tentacle: Or this and MI2 could both be referencing the famous song "Dry Bones".

unknown_entity · Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 12:23 am Post subject:

Guest that was kinda meshing 2 sayings together...so it doesn't count. Razz

_________________
Sponges beat the devil because sponges are badass.~SquashMonster

~Petty Tyrant of the IVAN Forums~

Fatty · zombie Joined: 01 Jul 2005 Posts: 54

"20:40 The adult male carnivorous mutant bunny and the adult female carnivorous mutant bunny seem to have much fun together.
20:40 A young male carnivorous mutant bunny is born.
20:40 The adult female carnivorous mutant bunny loses consciousness.
20:40 The adult male carnivorous mutant bunny loses consciousness."

"loses consciousness?" How much fun do they have???

unknown_entity · Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2005 10:19 pm Post subject:

Enough to make them pass out from satisfaction.

That makes me horny...

>_>
<_<
_________________
Sponges beat the devil because sponges are badass.~SquashMonster

~Petty Tyrant of the IVAN Forums~

SquashMonster · Posted: Sat Aug 27, 2005 3:56 am Post subject:

Where'd you think the phrase "fuck like carnivorous mutant bunny rabbits" came into the vernacular from?

Carnivorous plants?
_________________
"Im angered that everyone is following my trend of quoting people. I should make that punishable" ~ unknown_entity

Fatty · zombie Joined: 01 Jul 2005 Posts: 54

"You begin eating the bone.
You feel like a hippie."

...

I don't get it.

Billybridgeman · Posted: Sun Aug 28, 2005 11:39 am Post subject:

After praying to the forbidden pleasure god (forget the name) I chatted to this lovely... erm... mistress... and got this first thing:

"What? You want more Whip?"

Z · wolf Joined: 19 Jan 2005 Posts: 336

The banana grower curses: "I hate bananas. I wish I still was a professor of the greatness of IVAN."
_________________
3D mode, screenshots and my other IVAN stuff

Fatty · zombie Joined: 01 Jul 2005 Posts: 54

^ hehe

"What a fine corpse of a patrol guard. I'll pay 30 gold pieces for it."

Fatty · zombie Joined: 01 Jul 2005 Posts: 54

You critically hit the kobold! The kobold dies yelling like a tortured hyena. But wait, suddenly its amulet of life saving glows briefly red and disappears and it seems to be in a better shape!

...

Spray · large spider Joined: 09 Apr 2005 Posts: 24

You critically slash the kobold in the left arm! Its left arm is severed off! The kobold panics.

(I'd panic too, if someone hacked off my arm with a freaking banana peel!)

BANG! You zap the banana!

(Uh...)

Z · wolf Joined: 19 Jan 2005 Posts: 336

Flaming ruby sword is only 4-7 but is there any way to know how good strange stuff like stones and palm branches are?

(while creating my avatar using a clone:)
Aithvill the human slashes the female slave in the groin with his holy broadsword named Valpurus's Justifier covered with blood +16!
The female slave dies screaming.
Aithvill the human drops his flaming ruby sword covered with blood and equips a palm branch instead.
_________________
3D mode, screenshots and my other IVAN stuff

dalboz · Posted: Fri Sep 02, 2005 3:03 pm Post subject: funny quotes

(after beating the sumo)

Child Tourist: he's even fatter than daddy! I can't belive it!
(the sumo, not me.)
_________________
"Think like a madman"